The Colorado Girl Diary II Day 49

I met Greg Hanisch MD, my boyfriend, at the Garden of the Gods Club. The view is spectacular with the “Kissing Camel” rock formation and the Front Range Rocky Mountain serenity. Greg had a weird appearance on his face. The food was superb. This is a very classy place and apparently there are billionaires that belong to this elite club. It’s beyond the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs. Greg’s usual kiss was softer and more removed. As a girl I detected something was not quite in line. Greg seemed happy to see me; and explained how busy his heart surgery program had escalated. He finally found a home after losing his fiancé, Sheila Livingston. Greg is in Colorado because of me. We’re not married because of me. And we’re not married because I asked for time after Mom died. I was far too stubborn, grieved and unduly depressed to plan a wedding. Greg Hanisch and I are or were in love. Dad informed Greg to lay off the marriage for a few months because Mom’s death hurt me so deeply inside. All I do is think of her and Grandma. I need to move on; and I am but like a turtle.

I stared at Greg after a glass of wine and began to cry like a waterfall. We should be saying I do and not unraveling a good relationship. Guys don’t talk and think like girls so he then asked me what was wrong. I flat out informed him that I wanted to marry and it didn’t appear that he cared. I detected another lump going down his throat (esophagus all the way to his stomach). He was spellbound and couldn’t talk. I said we had to figure this relationship out, end it or move on for both of us. He just stared at me. I began to cry again and it seems the entire Garden of the Gods Club was watching me. I went to the bathroom to collect myself and said I should probably drive home now. I actually thought about leaving without informing him; but he deserves more respect. I had a handkerchief from the bathroom and now I’m winding through the Club and see Greg talking to another club member. He finally returns and says maybe we should just chill our relationship and determine if we were meant for one another. This is a guy’s way of dumping. I’m being totally shelved and have to drive home. He offered to talk (penance).

I’m beyond tears. I sternly stared at him and asked if there was another girl, relationship or something else. Greg admitted he had a lunch date with an RN from the ICU at Penrose Hospital; however it didn’t amount to anything (yet!). I informed him that this break-up was entirely my fault; but it was due to Mom’s death. He understood but said both of their lives were so busy and wrapped into careers that something would have to give. He admitted when he was engaged prior (Sheila Livingston dying in a plane crash with family) that the couple couldn’t live without each other. And that is how we should be (never separated).  Admittedly, this is what he always wanted. Work/careers and my holding off our engagement caused us to drift apart. Now the fallen fruitful tree in the stream that was our loving relationship has drifted downstream. We are no longer together physically or emotionally. We’ve fallen out of love so it seems. 

I cry again but minimize it to appear strong when I know (and everyone within the Garden of the Gods Club knows) that I’m presently very weak. I’m in the process of losing the only guy I’ve ever loved and knew he loved me. I’m speechless and would love to kill that RN who invaded my space. And I could easily within the hour jump off the nearby Royal Gorge Bridge in Canyon City, Colorado. This is known in Colorado as a suicide spot because it is the highest bridge in the United States. Dad will be upset with Greg and my split; but he’ll be mindful of things happening for a reason (depression).  Greg has a small tear on the inner side of his orbit. I’m melancholic, nauseated and am staring the real world in the face. Greg goes on to explain that everyone knows he’s The Colorado Girl’s boyfriend. It’s hard for him to date and validate any relationship as sincere. I firmly know and quite understand that every nurse just stares at him when he rounds.

 I know that many couples break up before they actually become engaged; but I reason our situation may be beyond this hopeful prayer. I’m losing probably the only guy I could ever love, marry and be eternally happy. I end my half supper with a brief hug and walk to my car. Presently, I feel that all the work for Fitted Bindings with the Asian trips, social media, fashion shows and overtime has ruined my life. I could have waited tables, worked as ski patrol and birthed 2 babies by now. I’m a corporate pawn and paying the ultimate price (losing a fiancé). Dusk is settling and I’m still with small tears. A young family with two little girls (9 and 11 years of age) confronts me and asks if I’m The Colorado Girl. I said yes and they want autographs and anything else I can offer. I hug them and give them a small stuffed puppy I have in my large purse. It’s a replica of Half-Pipe, my puppy. I hum Dionne Warwick’s song all the way to my car as the valet asks if I need help. I nod no and keep humming. Thankfully, music saves me!

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he’ll never phone ya
I’ll never fall in love again
Dontcha know that I’ll never fall in love again?

Don’t tell me what it’s all about
‘Cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So far at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love a- gain
No, no, I’ll never fall in love again

[Brief Instrumental Interlude]

Ahh, out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So far at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love a- gain
Dontcha know that I’ll never fall in love a- gain

I’ll never fall in love a- gain