I’ve begun my new diary book based on a fundamental thought pattern of moving forward in my life at all times. Despite setbacks, I need to continue to move forward and never backward. There are times I could sit and cry for weeks over Mom’s death. However, this is God’s way with our family. Our family should be glad we enjoyed her for many years. I feel that something has dropped out of my life that will never return again. There are depressing days whenever there is a lull in sales (very uncommon) at Fitted Bindings. I sometimes stare at the Rocky Mountains and feel that Mom is somehow in those mountains watching me closely. She’s right there with me every step of the way in my life. I know Dad has moments of staring at the walls and backyard also. We all must move on and live our lives despite the tragedy of losing Mom at a young age to pancreatic cancer. The University of Colorado wants me to be a spokesperson for them. They offered to pay; however, I remarked that the caring Mom received will never be forgotten. I will do this task 24/7 at the University of Colorado Health Science Centers for free. If I can help other families get through a similar tragedy better than our family seemingly accomplished, then I’ll be an advocate of surviving families through strength, spirit and love.
Greg Hanisch MD has reentered my life. What am I to do? He suddenly appears at our Vail concert and acts as if everything is cool again between us. We had not communicated for months. The end of the concert and the family evening with my Dad, his girlfriend (she’s growing on me), Alex (brother) and me was beautiful. It’s normal to have second thoughts. I’m so vulnerable that it is so easy for me to just melt when I see Greg Hanisch MD. He’s the only guy I’ve ever loved. I don’t know where this is going as between us as a couple. Maybe Greg will stay in Summit County, Colorado. We just enjoyed us and my family after the concert. Everyone was so tired and bedtime was wonderful. Greg was cool and didn’t force anything. He’s just so perfect; but then again he left to become the superstar heart surgeon he was meant to be. I’m not following any of this clearly as to why he isn’t at The Cleveland Clinic curing everyone of heart disease and beyond. I want it all; and I still believe it is all in Summit County, Colorado. My friends, family and Downtown (our twenty something song and dance group) has really made waves in Colorado and on social media. I can easily get lost in Downtown and my job. These positive things in my life have kept my mind off Mom as she stares through the mountains at me day and night.
Fannie calls and wants to talk about baby clothes. She’s due any day. Initially, Dad’s family practice clinic was quite certain the ultrasound revealed a boy. However; the ultrasound tech at the Frisco Hospital (where Fannie will deliver) now shows a possible girl. Fannie is perplexed as am I. Our conclusion was to hold off on any clothes purchase until the birth of the baby. Fannie is cool with that idea; and she’ll take her worries elsewhere. I’ve known her since I can remember (preschool). It’s unusual that I still have my childhood friends. Some may feel it’s dorky/not cool. I love it; and wouldn’t want it any other way. Thus, I will love her and she’ll love me until we die (probably on same day). I can’t imagine life without my long term friends from school. It was so special being part of their lives; and we relish every moment together after being apart in college. Half Pipe is now tugging at my feet to go for a real run. I’m setting down the pen. I love cursive. Whatever happened to the art of penmanship?